When I was very young, my family went to a theater to see the MGM epic, How the West Was Won. It’s a long film (2 hours, 44 minutes), so it included an intermission.
As we were leaving the theater, my parents asked my grandmother how she had enjoyed the film.
“Isn’t it a coincidence,” Grandma replied, “Debbie Reynolds was in both movies.”
Bala suggests that I add a “Funny Story of the Week” category in order to boost readership. I don’t know if I can come up with a funny story every week, but I have created a Humor category; here’s this week’s entry:
Not long ago, we had a “Bring Your Child to Work” day at my office, and we had a barbecue for the kids. I was eating at a table with some boys, so we started telling kids’ jokes. At one point I asked, “What's round and white and lifts weights?” (Correct answer: Extra-strength aspirin.) One of the boys looked at me and answered, “You!”
This is too funny.
Apparently, there is a “glamour” photographer who shares my name. (Be careful following those links; they may not be safe for workplace viewing!) Occasionally I receive e-mail — generally consisting of a young, hopeful model’s portfolio — intended for this other Phil Weber.
Not that I’m complaining: I could be getting this guy’s e-mail!
For Cycle Oregon: The Weekend, we camped at Sisters Junior High School, showering in the gym locker room. The showers, therefore, were a prison-like communal affair. By the time I finished the ride on Saturday afternoon, the locker room was full of paunchy middle-aged men (the young, fit men, I assume, having finished much earlier), trying to avoid eye contact. We'd all spent the past 6 or more hours crammed into spandex cycling shorts; on top of that, there was no hot water. As you might imagine (or try desperately not to), none of us looked our best.
I finished my cold shower in record time. As I made my way toward the lockers across the wet, soapy concrete floor, my feet suddenly slipped out from under me, and I lay spread-eagle, naked, in front of a dozen farmer-tanned new friends.
The funny thing, in retrospect (I didn't laugh at the time), was the reaction. As I hit the floor, I could hear several of them groan sympathetically -- "Owwww!" -- but as they inquired as to my well-being, they all maintained a healthy distance: "Are you OK... over there?" Yes, I'm fine, and thank you for not touching me. :-)
In June, a 20-mile training ride took me through North Portland, one of Portland's more ethnically-diverse neighborhoods. At one point, I experienced some groinal discomfort, so I reached down and, uh... put my affairs in order.
As I stopped at the next signal, a young African-American woman rolled down her window, stuck her head out and asked, "What was you diggin' fo'?"
I just smiled and ran the light. :-)
Why don't posts like this:
Programming with the Cryptography APIs
Join Microsoft experts on June 23rd, 2004 to ask questions about techniques and best practices in using the Cryptographic APIs to help secure your applications. Let us know what changes you would like to see in the CryptoAPI and its documentation on MSDN.
look like this?
Sps0p]uuyt0 kynz nz8 >pirns0p]rzi .SZo
Ysyt Vy6psos9n 8jr8pno st Ymt8 GFp7, GggE ns ]ow qm8onysto ]<smn n86ztyqm8o ]t7 <8on rp]6ny68o yt moyt0 nz8 >pirns0p]rzy6 .SZo ns z8vr o86mp8 ismp ]rrvy6]nystoA W8n mo wtsk kz]n 6z]t08o ism ksmv7 vyw8 ns o88 yt nz8 >pirns.SZ ]t7 yno 7s6mu8tn]nyst st VP5UA
Hmm... I'm not sure what to make of this:
You must be over 18.
You can be described as a "Tech Girl," "Geek Chick" or "Network Ops Cutie."
You need a pleasant speaking voice and able to talk "tech."
Calls can become sensual so you need to be OK with that.
Be willing to take calls from those who find your certifications very sexy.
Will Durant: "One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say."
Source: Woodster.com, 9 May 2003
I loved SNL's spot-on parody last night of patriotically-motivated boycotts: "Cuz it ain't whatcha do to show yer love for this country: It's whatcha don't do to show yer hate for those who don't show their love for this country."
Fran Lebowitz: "Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying."
J. W. Eagan: "Never judge a book by its movie."
Dave's Web of Lies: An hilarious repository of Internet "facts," such as:
It is against U.S. Department of Agriculture regulations to advertise or sell as "Prime Rib" any cut of meat containing a non-prime number of ribs.
Source: JWalk Blog
Walter Bagehot: "The reason why so few good books are written is that so few people who can write know anything."
Alice Kahn: "For a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve the quality of life, please press three."
Tom Stoppard: "Skill without imagination is craftsmanship and gives us many useful objects such as wickerwork picnic baskets. Imagination without skill gives us modern art."
Dave Barry: "What if, for the past year or so, terrorists, working in U.S. factories,
have been putting lethal biochemical agents on... duct tape?"
I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't heard it with my own ears: At this morning's VSLive! keynote, Alan Cooper managed to successfully pull off a joke about the recent space shuttle disaster! The amazing punchline: "I heard that they're blaming the Columbia disaster on liberals -- they say it's a left wing problem."
A video of the keynote is available here.
Erica Jong: "Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't."
Stan Dunn: "And that's the world in a nutshell, an appropriate receptacle."
Laurence J. Peter: "In spite of the cost of living, it's still popular."
Dave Barry has a Blog! And it's every bit as amusing as you might expect.
Edward De Bono: "Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain."
Linux 'Switch' Ad: "Linux gives us the power to crush those who oppose us..."
Noel Coward: "I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me."
Nathaniel Borenstein: "The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents."
George Bernard Shaw: "The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it."
Berton Averre: "To err is dysfunctional, to forgive co-dependent."
Chris Sells: "'Aha! But what about unmanaged code? x86 can't be read like IL.' You're right. It is harder to disassemble x86 than IL, but not significantly so. The x86 disassembler tool vendors have been working for a lot longer on this problem and we've bred guys like Andrew Shulman and Matt Pietrek that dream in x86 and only translate to English as a convenience for their wives."
Orson Welles: "In Italy for 30 years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love -- they had 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock!"
Douglas Adams: "You live and learn. At any rate, you live."
Loved this quote from Dorothy Parker: "If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised." :-)
You may have heard this story, about a man who allegedly burned his, uh, lap's top while using his laptop. But I think this version, which was automatically translated by Google from the German-language CNN site, is far more amusing. Source: Larry O'Brien's Weblog